This is alarming in many ways and gives
me reason to continue to see some of the elderly that I do. Some of
the people I see on a regular basis are married and others live
alone. Even some of the elderly live in almost total isolation and
never see their neighbors. They seldom leave to get food and one
couple has almost no food. The last couple finally provided me with
telephone numbers of two children that had not been home for several
years even though they lived less than 150 miles distant.
In a phone call to the daughter, I was
not believed when I said that the only food they had was what
meals-on-wheels provided. I said the husband no longer drives and
the wife should not either, but does go out once a month to get
medications and a little food and then they stay home. I said both
need to see a dentist and a doctor, but do not. The daughter said
the family was just too busy to make it home. I said they will be
dead before you decide that the grandchildren need to know their
grandparents. I was not aware that the son-in-law was on an
extension until he spoke up and said they would be there on Saturday.
The daughter started to make excuses, but the son-in-law stated that
he and the two children would be going. He then asked me to come by
if I could and I said I would.
When I arrived that Saturday afternoon,
the son-in-law met me outside and thanked me for the warning. He had
been on the telephone with his brother-in-law and had relayed how
things were and he would be there that evening with his family and
would bring his sister. Because of the condition of the house, they
would need to stay at a local motel, but the son-in-law was more
upset at his wife for not believing me and refusing to come with him.
One elderly woman of 89 years had two
daughters living less than 100 miles distant, but had not seen each
other in over 10 years. They talked by telephone normally once a
week, but that was the extent of what they did. .
I was able to get the telephone numbers
and called them. I found out that neither of them would plan a trip
home. I had asked the son of the above couple if he knew the two
daughters of this woman and he thought a minute and then realized he
did. He asked me to take him by her place. He and the elderly woman
had a great chat and afterward he said he would see to it that they
were called and tell them to come home. He also said he knew the
husband of one of the two daughters and would call him and explain
the situation to him to attempt to get one to come home at least.
He asked for my cell number and when he
called that evening, he said that both son-in-laws would be there the
next morning. I asked him if he knew why the two daughters were so
adamant about not coming. He said that both had bad memories from
their father who was abusive toward them and would not return to the
house they had grown up in. The son then said that the reason why
his sister did not want to come home as she always felt like she
could never please her mother and had basically written her off.
Even he admitted that he felt that way, as his mother had not
approved of his wife.
The two son-in-laws were there the next
morning and when they saw their mother-in-law; they apologized for
their daughters and were happy they had brought the grandchildren to
see her. The son of the elderly couple asked me to stop by and
explain why I had wanted them to come home. I did and both
son-in-laws said to understand that they wanted more for their
mother-in-law and if there was anything that needed to be done, I
would be reimbursed for any expenses. I said I was happy to hear
this and handed them a notebook with receipts attached and totaled.
They split the bill and said they
appreciated that I had itemized it. The one said that they were
going to take their mother-in-law home for the week and see if the
other daughter would accept her in their home for another week. I
said that they should, if they had the time, come back and get the
furnace inspected and he said that was what they were doing since one
of the son-in-laws was the owner of a plumbing and heating business.
He said that the furnace did need to be repaired or replaced, but
they were not completed with the inspection. Both said they needed
to get the children back for school on Monday, but that the one would
be back on Monday to see what needed to be done.
They asked me to stay in touch and
assured me that I had done the right thing in having called them and
then having the son of the couple call them. The second son-in-law
stated that he was going to encourage both daughters to come home at
least once and see what was happening. Plus, he was going to see if
his mother-in-law could handle a computer and then could use it to
chat with the grandchildren. He said either he or his oldest son who
could not make the trip would be able to work with her and teach her
how to operate it. I said that I was somewhat knowledgeable with
computers and could assist when they could not, if needed.
With that they returned to their
families and I came back home. The following week the one son-in-law
was back and said the furnace needed replacing and would have his
crew bring a new one and install it. He had the permit and would be
here until that was completed. He stated that his wife would be
taking her mother for the next week and was happy that they did not
need to come back to the house. Then they would make sure that their
mother was included in the holidays and other times.
He stated that both appreciated what I
had done for the mother-in-law and that they wanted me to continue if
I could. Other the next few weeks when the woman was back in her
home, she said that with me pushing, the barriers had been broken.
She would be spending the holidays with family and how much she
appreciated the two son-in-laws having worked with her. She was able
to use the computer, the grandchildren were chatting with her four or
five evenings per week, and that was something to relish. I have not
needed to assist her and told her that she was a fast learner.
She said that in the week that she was
with them, the oldest grandson had made sure that she could operate
it. Then the weekend she came home, they had set everything up and
because they had the connection installed the week they replaced the
furnace, she was ready to use it. She even said that the son-in-laws
were paying the cost and telling her to use it. Even her daughters
were using it when they had time to chat with her. Then she said
that one of the daughters would be home the coming week for the first
time since they had left to go to college.
For this woman, I could now see
happiness that I had not seen since I started to see her several
years ago. Even the elderly couple are more at ease and have said it
is good to see the grandchildren once or twice a month. I have
noticed that there is more food in the house and the son has been
home once a month to make sure that they have their medications.
Even their son-in-law has been home later in the month to check on
the food supply and both bring cooked food when they come. Then on
top of all this, they have been taken to the dentist and doctor when
needed.
I am just happy the couple and the
elderly woman are seeing family more frequently and no longer have
the social isolation from family at least. If you know of elderly
people isolated or have elderly family members, do them the courtesy
of visiting them regularly, seeing to needs if possible, and being a
good friend or relative.
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