Part 3 of 3 parts
Why is it that caregivers don't feel
that they can take care of themselves? Yes, they feel that this is a
luxury while caring for others, but stop and think about it. If you
burn yourself out, you will have nothing left to give to those that
need it! Harsh, not even, I have seen people that were caring for a
parent or spouse that did not take time for themselves. One ended up
in the emergency room because he hadn't taken care of his needs and
was hospitalized, his wife died the same day. His family was left to
take care of the funeral. The other killed herself with exhaustion
and her parent who was near death, lived for six more years.
The only advice I can give is to call
on others and locate service agencies, even hospice to help if this
is necessary. To be able effectively to continue to be a caregiver,
you must take care of yourself. You may not be able completely to
avoid stress, but you should be able to reduce it. The following
steps may help to minimize the stress pressure:
Stay Connected: Here I am not
talking about the person you are caring for or even your immediate
family. They are important, but will not give you the stress release
you need. If you have a caregiver group where you live, investigate
this before you become too busy to do so. Do not forget friends that
you have and that you may have shut out as you have become busier
with caregiving. Even a walk around the neighborhood can keep you in
touch with your neighbors and walking will help relieve some stress.
Sometimes is necessary to think outside the family or the box if you
must.
Accept Help: Many caregivers
pass on this and have only themselves to blame when they are
overstressed. Many friends and people known to you or your loved one
may sincerely make an offer of help, but because you haven't thought
about it, you don't accept the help. Always think about what they
could do or how they could help. Rather than dismiss them, say you
have not thought about it, but you will and ask when it would be best
to contact them. Then do think about it and if they are able, they
may be able to sit with your parent or loved one while you take a two
or three hour break. If special meals are not a requirement, maybe a
cooked dish would prevent you from cooking a meal or two. They will
appreciate being able to help and may help you relax. Never forget
community resources which may give you a much-needed time to
rejuvenate.
Find Time Alone: This is
important for your well-being! If you are the sole caregiver, an
hour or two way from duties may relieve stress and give you the
needed break that will help your health and revitalize you. This may
be the time to go for a brisk walk, or go to a nearby park and just
sit and watch others. This also may help you avoid burnout.
Maintain a Hobby: This will
depend on you and what hobbies you already have or maybe willing to
start. Let you imagination run with this one. This link provides a
few that may be possible, depending on the season and the type of
care your parent or loved one requires. Some may provide the stress
relief you need and others may add to the stress, but this can depend
on you. I knew one caregiver of a spouse that used her photography
hobby to do an inventory of the house and then the area of the
neighborhood. Her children were later very happy with the results.
Stay Informed: I like the
suggestion the article provides, but also stay informed about what
the news is, the local weather, and what others are doing. One
caregiver of a parent used letters to pass the latest news on the
condition of the parent and then had letters to read to her parent
about other family members.
Researching on the internet may yield
unsettling information and if you are not aware of it, sometime very
questionable information. Use this to converse with the parent's
doctor and let them know you want accurate information. This will
provide information about what to expect and how fast something may
progress.
Stay Spiritually Grounded: I
don't care what studies may say, if you are religious or spiritual,
stay grounded. Reading the religious teaching of your faith may
relieve stress and assist you in accepting the status of your parent
or loved one.
Take Care of Yourself: I have
stressed this before and I hope it is getting through to you. As a
caretaker, you have to take care of yourself, if you want to take
care of others. You are no good to them if you lose your health in
the process. I will not cover them, but this link may give you
additional ideas for self-care. If you experience persistent
feelings of fatigue, resentment, or burnout, don’t be afraid to
talk to a professional and get some extra support for yourself and
your loved one.
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