Diabetes support groups can be a
valuable asset for some and a pain in the backside for others. They
do have advantages and disadvantages like any other group, club, or
meeting. In the last four years, I have been involved in six
different support groups in a 100-mile radius. I thought a regional
group would get it going, but in three months it has flopped – fees
for meeting places were probably to blame. Is it the region, area,
or the general population that causes diabetes support groups not to
succeed? I don't have an answer.
I do know what has been the bane of
several of the groups – the diabetes police. No, I am not talking
about the diabetes food police, as this is another topic. The
diabetes police are well-intentioned spouses (male and female) that
come to the meetings for whatever reason. Then at some point during
the meeting, they make inappropriate comments that many dislike and
do not want to put up with in a meeting for support. The atmosphere
was supposed to be supportive and nourishing to allow attendees to
ask the questions they needed answers to for assistance and to help
guide them. However, these well-intentioned spouses cannot stand to
be left out and feel they have to add their drivel even if they are
wrong and demeaning to others.
This has happened at every support
group I have been a participant in and it casts the death knell on
the meeting, if not the group. This is one reason I will not allow
my own spouse to attend – which sometimes means I do not attend.
Some of the comments by the spouses have been very caustic and others
have been almost innocent at the start, but later evolve into
belittling attitudes of why we are not able to manage our weight,
food consumption, and even our feelings. We do not need these
comments when we are in a discussion about depression, testing, or
changing lifestyles.
I thought one group (type 2 only) had
moved past this problem until a new member came with his family –
spouse and her parents. Not even ten minutes into the meeting, and
his family was berating people for allowing themselves to get
diabetes, inability to manage their diet, and lack of
self-discipline. It only took five minutes for the meeting to
disband, and people were gone. This group does still meet (thanks to
the doctor that leads the group), but they are not allowing new
members until they have been talked to by several of the members and
understand that spouses and other family members (non-diabetic) are
not allowed.
Another death sentence for diabetes
support groups is certified diabetes educators as group leaders.
Those that insist following the American Diabetes Association
guidelines cut off discussions that are outside of the guidelines and
stifle personal experiences being shared. They will not allow
discussions about low carb, high fat, or other discussions that are
of interest to members of the group.
I have now limited myself to the small
– intentionally – informal group that I participate in and we are
now seven members. Two are women and do not attend that often. All
but one of us now are on insulin and we are all type 2, with the
newest member now officially off all medications thanks to her diet
and exercise regimen. Two of the group are still working and
therefore unable to attend every time we get together. We do get
together more frequently now that all of us have Skype. We exchange
emails and all of us do research and we discuss this among ourselves.
I am the only one of the group that blogs publicly, but I am
supported by the group. In a way they can be my best supporters and harshest
critics, but I thank them.
This is just a guess on my part, but
another reason for limited participation in diabetes support groups
is the secrecy that people want to maintain. This may or may not
have anything to do with the diabetes police or the diabetes food
police.
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