Presentation to a Group in a City West of Us

I have held this, as I was not sure I even wanted to show what could happen when things go badly. At the urging of Tim and a few others I am posting this after Tim had read it.  This meeting was on the third Friday.

This was an unusual meeting. I was the only person originally scheduled and one of their doctors refused to attend with the rest of our group in attendance. In a phone call, I was able to determine that the doctor did like others being part of the meeting.

Once the meeting started, a CDE objected to the topic and felt we were not presenting it properly. We had not distributed the email copies; therefore, at that point I stopped presenting. I walked over to their doctor and told him I would be stopping with the CDE constantly interrupting. He asked the CDE to take over. When she did, almost all the members got up and left. I told those with me that we would be leaving as well. The doctor leader of their group asked people to stay, but most said no and continued leaving.

I explained to our group after we were on our way home what had happened to the group originally and that I may have caused the group to disband a second time. This I did not like, but I have had problems with her before and I wanted no more of it. I said I don't like what happened this evening, but felt that the other doctor had set this up and that was their problem. I told the others that I would not be going back and would not participate again until the other doctor has been removed and the group is open to others or groups of presenters. I said, we have had success with other groups and I will not be part of a group that discourages presenter groups.

The following Monday, I received an email asking me to return. I said no and that I did not like being called out by a CDE who was not part of the group in the first place. The answer was that she had not been invited, but had shown up at the request of the second doctor who was not in attendance. I said that I was sorry, but I would not be caught in further conflicts that had caused the group to disband originally and if I had caused this, I would not be coming back.

Tim, our local doctor, and I stayed in touch as we expected further emails and attempts to have one or more of us back. The doctor in attendance and Tim had exchanged emails with the doctor there, we were concerned about why we have been very successful with some groups, and this group was difficult. Tim was surprised that the meeting had ended quickly and quietly. I told Tim that very few have an interest in CDEs and they were not willing to listen to one. I said the group of us had received approval and to have one doctor throwing a fit and getting the CDE involved may have disbanded the group.

Tim commented that this could be the case for our group, but he hoped we would be more polite. I said some may be, but I would be one to leave and do it promptly. I told Tim that even if it was one of my relatives, I would still leave. Tim asked why I would do that. I explained that until the AADE lowered to the bar, created a group for peer mentors and peer workers, and did not constantly push for their own line of education and making it exclusive to their members, I would not wish to have much to do with them and their poor attitude about people with type 2 diabetes.

Tim agreed that setting up education for peer mentors and peer workers would be a positive as long as the AADE did not make it too burdensome and discouraging for people to attempt.

George Will Be Back On Friday

Barry let us know that George has his appointment on Wednesday and will get ready on Thursday and travel Friday. He stated they will try to have the support group together for at least one afternoon/evening while George is here.


Tim and I had a meeting to discuss the fifth support group attending some meetings and we will present this to our group when we get together with George. We have both heard from a couple of their members and the doctor. Tim stated that we are missing the email addresses for some of the group and he has requested the person that had many of them, to obtain those that wanted to be included in emails about the meeting and other upcoming events.


Tim stated that we still owed the one doctor a return meeting, but that he had heard from the doctor stating that the two meetings were important and that his group was happy they were included in our meetings. Therefore, unless something else came up this year, having one with them was not necessary. Plus, they did not have a place that could hold the number we had at the last meeting and even the first meeting. The doctor and several of that group had sent thank you's for hosting the two meetings since we had the room.


Tim commented that it had worked well for us and allowed for interaction among the groups, which both doctors felt was important. Even the group with Jessie and Elaine were happy to have been included and had emailed Tim their thank you's.


I said that the fifth group learned about the meeting from my blog and Tim admitted this was good. I said that the group I had spoken to, had asked for him and me to speak to their group in October or November about our two meetings. Tim said this would be good and maybe we should consider taking Allen, as well as he knows the VA. I asked Tim to check with Allen and once I had his answer, I would contact them.


Then we talked briefly about how many more we could accommodate if asked and we agreed that even if everyone made it from the five groups, we could add maybe another 12 or 15. We agreed that we should not include any new groups at present to allow the current groups to be able to add members.


Tim said he had heard from Hospice thanking us for not asking them as they would not have had time and they will let us know when they think it may work. I said that needs to be announced at the get-together for George as Allen has been working on another group. Tim stated he had forgotten this and would discuss this with Allen tomorrow.

Diabetes Support Groups Aren't for Everyone

Diabetes support groups can be a valuable asset for some and a pain in the backside for others. They do have advantages and disadvantages like any other group, club, or meeting. In the last four years, I have been involved in six different support groups in a 100-mile radius. I thought a regional group would get it going, but in three months it has flopped – fees for meeting places were probably to blame. Is it the region, area, or the general population that causes diabetes support groups not to succeed? I don't have an answer.

I do know what has been the bane of several of the groups – the diabetes police. No, I am not talking about the diabetes food police, as this is another topic. The diabetes police are well-intentioned spouses (male and female) that come to the meetings for whatever reason. Then at some point during the meeting, they make inappropriate comments that many dislike and do not want to put up with in a meeting for support. The atmosphere was supposed to be supportive and nourishing to allow attendees to ask the questions they needed answers to for assistance and to help guide them. However, these well-intentioned spouses cannot stand to be left out and feel they have to add their drivel even if they are wrong and demeaning to others.

This has happened at every support group I have been a participant in and it casts the death knell on the meeting, if not the group. This is one reason I will not allow my own spouse to attend – which sometimes means I do not attend. Some of the comments by the spouses have been very caustic and others have been almost innocent at the start, but later evolve into belittling attitudes of why we are not able to manage our weight, food consumption, and even our feelings. We do not need these comments when we are in a discussion about depression, testing, or changing lifestyles.

I thought one group (type 2 only) had moved past this problem until a new member came with his family – spouse and her parents. Not even ten minutes into the meeting, and his family was berating people for allowing themselves to get diabetes, inability to manage their diet, and lack of self-discipline. It only took five minutes for the meeting to disband, and people were gone. This group does still meet (thanks to the doctor that leads the group), but they are not allowing new members until they have been talked to by several of the members and understand that spouses and other family members (non-diabetic) are not allowed.

Another death sentence for diabetes support groups is certified diabetes educators as group leaders. Those that insist following the American Diabetes Association guidelines cut off discussions that are outside of the guidelines and stifle personal experiences being shared. They will not allow discussions about low carb, high fat, or other discussions that are of interest to members of the group.

I have now limited myself to the small – intentionally – informal group that I participate in and we are now seven members. Two are women and do not attend that often. All but one of us now are on insulin and we are all type 2, with the newest member now officially off all medications thanks to her diet and exercise regimen. Two of the group are still working and therefore unable to attend every time we get together. We do get together more frequently now that all of us have Skype. We exchange emails and all of us do research and we discuss this among ourselves. I am the only one of the group that blogs publicly, but I am supported by the group. In a way they can be my best supporters and harshest critics, but I thank them.

This is just a guess on my part, but another reason for limited participation in diabetes support groups is the secrecy that people want to maintain. This may or may not have anything to do with the diabetes police or the diabetes food police.